Where is the love? Cruel optimism and the social navigation of internationals through the Danish dating scene
Author
Carolan, Sean
Term
4. semester
Education
Publication year
2026
Submitted on
2026-05-28
Pages
65
Abstract
This thesis examines why international residents in Denmark continue to participate in the dating scene even when they dislike the experience. Drawing on a thematic analysis of online articles about dating in Denmark as an international and about a dozen semi-structured interviews with internationals who have tried to navigate Danish dating, the study finds that many undertake a conscious process of social navigation: they renegotiate attitudes and behaviours to align with what they perceive as “Danish dating culture.” Yet this adaptation rarely grants access to romantic relationships with Danes, leaving participants feeling confused, isolated, lonely, and stressed. Despite this, they persist. Using Berlant’s theory of cruel optimism and Vigh’s concept of social navigation, the thesis shows how attachments to ideals of relationships and the “good life”—including the hope of finding love in a new country—sustain participation in a practice that can be emotionally harmful. It also highlights how widely read online accounts present a single, learnable “Danish dating culture” and romanticize dating in Denmark, further encouraging persistence. The study contributes a qualitative, anthropological perspective that foregrounds the emotional dimensions of migration and dating in the Danish context.
Dette speciale undersøger, hvorfor internationale borgere i Danmark fortsætter med at date, selv når de ikke bryder sig om oplevelsen. Med en tematisk analyse af onlineartikler om at date i Danmark som international og cirka et dusin semistrukturerede interviews med internationale, der har forsøgt at navigere den danske datingscene, viser studiet, at mange gennemgår en bevidst social navigation: de omforhandler holdninger og adfærd for at matche det, de opfatter som “dansk datingkultur”. Denne tilpasning giver imidlertid sjældent adgang til romantiske relationer med danskere og efterlader mange med forvirring, isolation, ensomhed og stress. Alligevel fortsætter de. Med afsæt i Berlants teori om cruel optimism og Vighs social navigation forklarer specialet, hvordan tilknytningen til forestillinger om det gode liv—herunder forventningen om at finde kærlighed i et nyt land—holder dem fast i en praksis, der kan skade dem følelsesmæssigt. Analysen peger også på, at lettilgængelige onlinefortællinger fremstiller en entydig “dansk datingkultur”, der kan tilegnes via simple råd, og romantiserer dating i Danmark; tilsammen styrker disse fortællinger internationale borgeres vedholdenhed. Studiet bidrager med et kvalitativt, antropologisk perspektiv, der sætter fokus på de følelsesmæssige erfaringer ved migration og dating i en dansk kontekst.
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